The Family

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• Robin G: An East-Coast-raised infertile left-wing manic-depressive baseball-obsessed Marvel-character-nannying college dropout with no housekeeping skills. I handle this by being as snarky as possible.
  

• The Wookiee: My husband, the Midwest native. Puts up with me because I’ve tricked him into thinking my neuroses are cute. Spite is his bread and butter for everyday motivation, but it seems to work for him.
  

• Boundary Issues: The oldest. Deeply in love with The Wookiee. Must be physically stopped from cleaning nostrils.
  

• Bear Cub: The middle cat. Consistently feels neglected no matter how much attention is provided. Can light fires in the winter with own static electricity.
  

• Death Wish: The youngest. Occupies time by attempting suicide. Occasionally bites armpits.
  

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The Charges

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• The Gambit: The Chef’s son. Determined to make the most out of his bipolar toddler years. Spends his days poking Death Wish in the nose.
  

• The Rogue: The Vet’s daughter. Currently eating, pooping, and sleeping. Smiles at the sound of Barack Obama’s voice.
  

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The Friends

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• The Chef: My best friend, who cooks a mean chocolate torte and once got yelled at by Lindsay Lohan. Forgave me for cooking a $300 piece of beef in the crockpot with a packet of instant French onion soup. Momma to The Gambit.

• The Monkey: A comic artist and partner in creative crime. Knows a good scotch and how to make curry powder. Constantly puzzled by her own accidental cuteness.

• The Adam: An Adam who has seen me at my most profoundly bitch-queen-y, and is still my friend. Can pull off bitchy quite effectively as well. Knows to steer clear when I have a 2 by 4.

• The Pierogi: A misanthrope who chose to work with children. Makes excellent pierogi. Has a not-so-secret weakness for piles of kittens.

• The Donut: International man of mystery. Possesses the capability of turning any conversation away from himself and getting others to share their life stories. Given to vanishing upon incorrect assumptions of general hatred.

• The Hermit: Slightly agoraphobic bibliophile. Roommate of The Pierogi. Will one day be crushed to death under a collapsed tower of his own paperbacks.

• The Vet: Animal-loving beer brewer. Home is a haven for lost souls, stray pets, and misfit toys. Momma to The Rogue.

• The Economist: Mathematician-cum-philosopher. Hopelessly devoted to a certain East Coast baseball team, but hey, we all have our quirks.

• The Brownie: Artist and architect. Communes daily with parrots. Takes absolutely no shit.

More to be added as they come up.