The Chef taught me about figs. This is one of the reasons she is my best friend.
A fig dish is all about quality, quality, quality. This recipe is not worth doing unless you’re going to do it right.
You want fresh black mission figs, which are usually available in June and early July (depending on where you live, I suppose). They can’t be bought just anywhere, but they’re not that hard to find, either — check someplace nearby that has a well-varied produce section. The color is less important than the feel, I think — they ought to be very, very slightly squishy. When you cut them open, the flesh should be dark red.
Next, get a good — no, I mean it, a good — cheese. A soft goat cheese is pretty much the standard, but there’s a lot of variation, of course. Any store can give you a basic chevré, and it will work, but trust me, you want to splurge. I know The Chef prefers Humboldt Fog. I used Bonne Bouche recently and almost died of joy. If there’s a cheese shop in your area, with an honest-to-goodness cheesemonger, this is the time to go. Expect to spend around $10. Expect to be happy you did it. (A note: don’t get an herbed or otherwise flavored cheese. It’ll overwhelm everything else.)
Lastly — honey. Once again, splurge and get the good stuff. Your local farmer’s market is your best best, followed by a small local co-op, followed by Whole Foods or something similar. Raw honey is fantastic here, but a regular honey is just as good provided it’s quality. Please do not get the honey in the bear at the big-box grocery store. It will make baby Jesus cry.
Once you’ve got your ingredients, let everything sit out on the counter for a few hours to reach a room temperature. Then slice your figs to about a quarter-inch thickness and lay them out on a plate. If you haven’t tasted your cheese before, this is the time to do it — if it has a stronger flavor, you want to put less cheese on your figs, and more if it’s a milder flavor. The average is about a dime-sized bit of cheese per slice of fig. Follow with a drizzle of honey over each piece.
If you’re worried you’re going to screw it up, a) remember that no matter what, this is going to be delicious, you’re just fine as long as you didn’t get cheap low-quality ingredients, and b) you can always make one little complete piece first and test it out. If you’re not happy with it — want a little more cheese, a little less honey, a thicker fig slice, whatever — try again with another little piece until you’re happy. Everyone’s preference is different. And if you make the dish more than once, you might want to try it with something different the second time, another cheese or something. Again, as long as you’re starting with good stuff, you can’t get this wrong.
Eat very, very slowly.
I’d like to add an important word of warning here. This is not — I repeat, not — a dish to be eaten under any of the following circumstances:
- When you are alone.
- When you are in the company of someone you could be tempted to have sex with but really shouldn’t.
If you are a non-believer in aphrodisiacs, this is because you have never had black figs with goat cheese and honey. You will want to have sex after eating them, and you’re really only being cruel to yourself if you’re in a position where you can’t, and worse, you’re going to get in serious trouble if you’re in a position where you shouldn’t. On the plus side, if you’re trying to get someone into bed, this is better than alcohol.
To Conclude:
Eat good things. And do not lose sleep over it. Anyone who tells you it’s more complicated is trying to sell you something. End of story.
